Finding Focus: June 2012

I know, it's been quiet on the 'Finding Focus' blogfront. And although my posts are spreading thin, I do believe I'm slowly achieving my goal of -- you guessed it-- finding MY focus. I knew things would start to settle into place if I could just take a step back, let the chips fall where they may and not force them. I'd really been struggling with the concept of my business. How much do I want it? How much time am I willing to commit to it? How much time do I really have to commit to it? Is my motivation for the money or personal satisfaction? Family first or a balance of both? These questions have weighed heavily on my mind. And what I am discovering the answer to be...... a place and time for everything. In Washington, where I began my business, my photo cards and the farmers market were my outlet. My husband was deployed, our son was quite young, and As Eye See It gave me a link to the community. In Maryland, my husband was home and our son was in grade school. I had more time on my hands and the desire to broaden my photography skills. I dove into children's portraits and acquired more than experience, I acquired friends. This endeavor filled a place in my mind and in my heart that was just what I needed and when I needed it. And now, in Colorado, I have decided that it is ok to be a photographer whose priority is capturing memories for my own family instead of for others. I have enjoyed getting up close and personal with all that Colorado has to offer. I have rekindled my love of nature photography. I have taken very few photos of people and when I do they are of my own family. In the beginning, I struggled with this, I felt like I was sliding back down the hill of progress rather than climbing up it. But in this, too, I have discovered that it's not the destination but the journey. My here and now is my family. See, next month, we are bringing a little one into our family. We didn't have the typical 9-month wait, our wait was 6 years. It has taken 6 years for this to be the right time and place for our little girl from China to join our family. The adoption journey has been a lot like my photographic journey. It's been filled with hopes, doubts, skepticism, optimism, you name it. Nothing ever seemed to be where I thought it should be at the time I wanted it to be. And now I see-- that's ok. There is a time and place for everything. So while I am not pursuing my photography skills professionally at this time, it's ok for me to enjoy and pursue them personally. I don't pretend to know when the tide will turn and things will again change, but I have vowed to take that step back and let things present themselves as they may. I can hear my beloved Grandmother's voice in my head, "Oh, be still, Tara, be still....". What wonderful advice.